Coincidence or Destiny? -8

 EPISODE 8

SIYA

'Who was he?', my cousin brother, Aman raised his eyebrows in confusion. He glanced at me and then at our cousin sister and then back to me. My sister, Swati and I were sitting in front of him in the van and from his expressions, he thought that boy was related to one of us. 'What? Don't be suspicious on me. He was honking for Siya. Ask her, whether she has done something to destroy our family reputation.', Swati rolled her eyes and now both of them including everyone sitting in the van stared at me as if I've slept with someone and now the boy is stalking me. The ignominy of dating someone kept eating me from inside. My limbs and tongue got numb and I couldn't speak up, but they got their answers in my bent down eyes and silence. 

The only thing in my life in which I always fail, is to take a stand for myself. For me, other people's opinion is the right thing to do in my personal life; But this time or say for the very first time in my life when I did what my conscience felt to do, it didn't match with the other people's opinion and again I'm back on the track of being ashamed for nothing. He was a creep, he ended up being the same shit. I don't know how the anger will explode inside my parents when my pitiless cousins will spit out about today. 

'We won't tell your parents about it.', Swati says getting out of the van after me. My eyes got wide in surprise and Aman assured me not to get surprised by showing his palm. 'Only on one condition', he said ruining my amazement. Both of them looked at each other with a grin and said, 'You'll do our homework till...' They stopped and started thinking a timeline for my punishment. I interrupted and said in low voice, 'But our final exams are just 2 months away. I need to work harder this time.'

They both started laughing. 'Oh, Siya! If you're so innocent, how did you cajole that handsome, huh?', Swati leaned her head to look into my eyes 'I guess we should tell her parents about it. May be she won't be able to study after that because may be her parents won't allow her to go to school after listening the disaster their daughter has created.' 

I took a deep breath to control my tears, 'Okay I'll do your homework.' 'Good, till one week for now but it depends on our moods', Aman slide down one sleeve of his bag from his shoulder to pull it in front of him and took out some notebooks to hand it to me. Swati did the same and they left for their home. 

Swati and Aman are fraternal twins of my father's brother. They live besides our home in a  two storied house and both of the houses are identical to each other just the difference is that both are mirror images of each other.

Holding the notebooks over my chest and kept staring on the ground, I started thinking, It was a huge mistake dating you, Ryan! The anger screamed inside me and finally I started crying in the middle of the road. I cry when I get mad. Before anyone notices I rushed inside the house wiping off my tears.

I placed my bag on the floor and fell on my bed with my mom's phone. I haven't checked my instagram after blocking Ryan so I did that first. My sight fell at a message from an unknown account. It was just 2 days old. I opened it and it was from Ryan:

Siya, I'm Ryan. What was my mistake? Why did you block me? Whatever it is, I'm really sorry, please talk to me. We can fix this. Please Siya, I love you much. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Not after what you've done today, Ryan! It was better until I got into a relationship. I guess everybody is right about relationships; It always complicates your life. It's 2 months till my Final term exams plus I've to complete the homework of those Jokers too. I don't have time for this shit. I logged out and got back to my normal life.

RYAN

The sound of the school bell attacked at my ear drums, waking me up from a deep sleep. Your girlfriend claims it as over without evening telling and you're swinging here and there between the classes, preparing for board exams, what worst thing can happen? The neural muscles in my brain suddenly started giving me painful attack. That might be a migraine due to sleepless nights. 

I got up from my desk and went straight towards my friends circle, rubbing my eyes and yawning. As I lifted my left hand up to yawn again, Dhiraj hold my hand and stretched towards him, 'What the fuck is this? Why the fuck is this? You did it for Siya?' I took my hand back and rolled my eyes, 'So what?' He gave a maniac laugh and raised his hand to hold my shoulder 'Bro, she dumped you for the second time! Stop running after her. Have some self respect.' 

She is my self respect. I wanted to throw these words at him but I couldn't as for now she's not in my life anymore. I want her back, but I can't have her back. It's a difference.

3 months later

'I'm going, mom!', I shouted while walking out of my room. As I picked up my bike keys from the key holder and turned around, her face was so magnified in front of me that I stepped back frightfully. 'Mom! You scared me!' I sighed and she is still giving me a suspicious glare. 'What?' I raised my eyebrows. 'I feel it's a bad omen. My left eye lid is flickering. You're not going anywhere!' she claimed. 

I tilted my head and looked at her with a gentle smile 'Don't be superstitious, maa. I'll be fine.' She's a mother and love can actually be blind; she loves me so she believes in every misconception that can be a bad omen for me. 

I left the house, started my bike and went on my way to Harsh's home. It was the day for our photoshoot which we postponed many times since the board exams were finished. We didn't had any other plans, we just procrastinated. I love photography, so I started organizing some shoots for my friends after the exam. My thoughts directed towards Siya again when I saw a white van on my way. This happens everyday single day. I miss her every single day. 

My ride was still going on and suddenly a dog passed across the road. To save it, I turned my handle in panic and fell down on the roadside with the bike on my leg. I felt my head hit on a sharp big stone and in a moment of seconds my vision got blurred. I saw some blurred faces of people who were trying to call ambulance and pick up me. I couldn't keep my eyes open so they closed naturally and after that, it was all blank. Just blank.

Coincidence or destiny? -7

 EPISODE 7

SIYA

'Show your collarbone, baby. You've such a gorgeous one!', Rishika claps and jumps like a toddler. I'm being forced to wear an off shoulder top for the very first time in my life and it's giving me a shame to go out with it. Especially, if you're going on your first date. Why the pretty girls out there expose their body parts, wearing such kind of clothes? It can be a good fashion for them but not for me. 'I can't go like this, Rish. What will he think of me?', I lowered my exposed shoulders and sat on my bed. Rishika spread her arms in air like a fashion queen and said, 'Boys love these kind of outfits.' She claps, 'You've to do something to make him happy. And when will you grow, if you'll never try on new things? I know...' Her phone rings, interrupting her lecture. She starts talking to the person on the phone, 'But why? I've told you, I and Siya are going out.' May be she's her mom.

I'm still sitting on the bed, deciding on the topic of wearing an off shoulder top. 'Okay, fine!', she hangs up and come back to me. 'I'm sorry, Siya. I've to go. Like right now.', she said in hurry, gathering up her things. I jumped up in disappointment, 'How will I meet Ryan? Rish, please do something.' She says, 'Siya, my father's first cousin passed away and we've to go to his funeral. It was sudden. I swear. I'll try my best next time. Sorry.' She's still looking down. May be she's guilty and can't make an eye contact with me. I nodded in agreement and she rushed out of my room; I even couldn't see her off out. I texted Ryan about the sad news.

_.Ryan._  : Come outside your lane, I'll pick up you.

Siya143 : I can't Ryan. Everyone knows me. We'd get caught. Let's just wait until Rishika gets free.

_.Ryan._  : Are you high, Siya? Can't you see, she lost her one family member! She won't get free easily. 

Siya143 : Mind your language, mister! Don't be so impatient. I'm in this relationship too. I want to meet you too! But I've no way!

_.Ryan._  : These are just your excuses. If you'd ever wanted to meet me, we'd have met till now. Just go and wait for your fucking friend! 

Siya143 : Stop using such words! I don't like this kind of behaviour.

_.Ryan._  : You don't like? Huh. Stop being a good girl, Siya. No one is perfect! Everyone lies, everyone curses, everyone does crimes. And I'm not even telling you to do something bad. I just want you to try harder to meet me. But I can see you aren't! I just want to meet you. That's how we'll know each other and our relationship will grow!

Siya143 : Ryan, I'm just scared. I don't want people to talk bad about my family if they ever saw me with you. I'm trying harder. I want to meet you. But I'm helpless.

My eyes became heavy due to tears and when I blinked, the drops finally fell down my cheeks. 

_.Ryan._  : Are you crying?

Shit. How did he know?

_.Ryan._  : Siya, I'm really sorry. When our meeting got set up, my excitement level was above the sky. And when all my imaginational dreams broke, I got mad. I'm sorry, Siya. Please don't cry because of me.

Siya143 : It's okay, Ryan. I'll try to figure out something ASAP.

Few weeks passed...

It's almost 3 months since I and Ryan are just talking online. We never met. He used to come outside the school after the dispersal to see me. Just to see me. We can't meet due to my cousins being around me. Most of the time I was scared of meeting him. And that has made him mad all the time. I can't do anything. I just don't want to take any risks. Some of his conversations and talks bother me a lot. One of those was like...

_.Ryan._ : Baby, I don't want any gifts on our first date, but one thing...

Siya143 : What thing?

_.Ryan._ : Just a sweet kiss ;-)

Siya143 : Excuse me?

_.Ryan._ : What?

Siya143 : Sorry, I don't know if I could do that.

 _.Ryan._ : Baby, it's just a simple and sweet kiss, not more than that.

Siya143 : Ryan, please stop calling me "baby". I don't like that.

_.Ryan._ : We're in a relationship, Siya.

Siya143 : There's no rule to address your partner as "baby". 

_.Ryan._ : Why are you being so orthodox?

Siya143 : I'm just a simple girl. I don't know such things.

_.Ryan._ : You know what, I'm a lot of steps ahead you! You're left behind with such old fashion thoughts.

What the hell does he mean? I'm much more than he thinks!

Siya143 : If you think like that, it's your choice!

A lot of times, I feel he ignores me. Sometimes he replies late, sometimes he even doesn't reply, and sometimes he says I'm busy with having board exams; But he has time for posting and updating his pictures everyday. I know it's like childish but I don't see a future in this relationship. It's hard to catch someone's feelings through a virtual connection. Today, I decided to think on it. I rested my back against the wall, while I was sitting on my bed and my legs stretched as if it's a natural reflex. I was staring at the post of Ryan which he has uploaded 5 minutes ago and the last time when he closed the conversation with me saying, he's going to study now was, 15 minutes ago! While I was staring at the photo, my thoughts generating process started.

Now he isn't studying huh? Is he ignoring me or what? I can't understand what is happening with our relationship, where is it going? I don't like his behavior most of the time and if I tell him about it, he thinks I'm orthodox. I'm old school. But why can't he see, what is he? What is he even doing? Rish always says that when something confuses you, listen to your heart and then make a decision. Okay so my gut feeling or intuition or heart says that I'm forcing myself to be in this relationship. I think a relationship is really not my thing. I can't be a "modern" girl which he wants.

I. Just. Can't.

Am I pretending to be a girlfriend? Because I'm not a good girlfriend.

I'm blank, again. Like the last time.

RYAN

"Bro, padh le! (Study a little, bro)", I warned Harsh. Our board exams are just coming in a speed of like a cheetah. How the time flies, I don't know. I just want to pass tenth grade with good marks so that I can get admission in a diploma college. That's what I'm focusing on these days. I can't even talk to Siya much. She must be feeling left out as we don't meet. 

'I'll pass with flying colors, bro. Just wait and watch.', Harsh stretches his arms up and leans back on the chair. 'How's going with Siya?', he changes the topic. 'Till now it's good.', my eyes are still on my notebook, solving a mathematical problem. 'Bro, it's 3 months now! You haven't met her. And most importantly, you haven't kissed her!', Harsh shakes his head and I'm still avoiding his words as usual. I do think about this. I want to meet Siya. Not to just kiss her. 

I want to stick my palms to hers and intertwine our fingers between each other's. I want to hold her hand on my chest, so that she can feel my increasing heart beats. I want to hug her and let myself lost in her beautiful black hair. I want to kiss her head and let her know that I love her soul and not just her body. And most importantly, I want to drown myself in those same innocent eyes, this time from a closer distance. 

Harsh wakes me up from daydreaming as our teacher arrives in the class. I just hope one day, I can fulfill these day dreams with her and then she'll know how much I love her.

After the class when I unlocked my phone to text Siya, I couldn't find her profile. Has she deleted her profile? I texted Rishika to tell me if she did. 'No, I can see her profile.', she replied. I was shocked and clueless that what's going on. I checked if my instagram is updated, I deleted the app and reinstalled, I logged in from Harsh's phone and checked. I did every possible thing. I can feel I almost stopped breathing for a second. After panicking and pacing here and there for whole five minutes, I stopped and realized.

She blocked me.

Siya blocked me without leaving any message?

All my day dreams, my love, my heart, my everything for her, shattered in seconds. I didn't utter a word and left from there. What could be the reason she blocked me? Have I did something wrong? May be she's little upset. She'll unblock me if I convince her. I texted Rishika asking about Siya.

Rishhh : We have not talked about something like this today. Let me text her.

After 15 minutes, her reply came back.

Rishhh : Ryan, is something happened between two of you?

_.Ryan._ : Nothing! She was talking properly till afternoon. You talked to her? Is she okay?

Rishhh : She don't want to talk about it. I asked her several times but she just want to be alone.

_.Ryan._ : Okay. Please give me updates about her until she talks to me.

Rishhh : Yeah. Don't worry. She'll be fine. You both will be fine.

I know she'll come back. She can't do this again. I assured myself irrespective of the thought that she can break up again.

Few weeks passed...

I crushed the beer can hardly with aggression. A tear drop rolled down as it was so heavy for my eyes to hold on since these few days. Today, when I saw the ignorance in those same innocent eyes, it broke me. I can remember that day. 12th of January. The day when she left my life without even telling me. I placed the crushed can beside me as I'll need it later. As I slid my hand into the right pocket of my pants, I found what I wanted. I lighted up that cigarette and placed it's one end inside my mouth. As I smoke that tobacco, I can feel some relieving dopamine rush beneath my skin. It's good, I whispered exhaling out the smoke. I closed my eyes and recalled today's situation:

As the school got dispersed, I got up from my bike and started searching for her, jumping on my toes. A lot of girls rushed with same hairstyle(two plated braids) and same school uniform. One can recognize someone distantly only by their bags. I searched for a blue bag which was of Siya. Someone patted my back and I turned around. It was Jay. After few small talks I asked him to tell Siya that I want to talk to her right now. I've been visiting her school since several days(on a daily basis) just to see her. But today I want to talk to her about us. Finally my eyes locked with her eyes, when she stepped out of the school gate. My heart still skips a beat everytime when I see her; no matter what is going between two of us. But just in an instant, she looked somewhere else and I looked down in disappointment. I elbowed Jay and mouthed, "Go, please." While both of them were talking across the road, at that time I wished to have a doremon's gadget which can hear their conversation. Jay returned and she sat inside her van. 'She don't want to talk, bro. She's stubborn!', Jay told me while breathing heavily. I saw her van starting and I started my bike quickly and followed the van with my friends. 'She's stubborn!', Jay screamed from behind. 'I'm double stubborn!', I screamed back at the top of my lungs. I kept a distance from the van but slowly drove just in the side of it. I glanced at her several times and honked too, but she kept looking away from me. I don't care about her cousins, I just want to talk. At a point, she folded her arms and buried down her face on the bag placed in her lap. And then I realized, 

she's actually triple stubborn!

But I'll show her that I'm tenfold stubborn than her! 

After when I opened my eyes, I picked up the crushed can, teared it apart into large pieces of sharp aluminum sheets. After the process of tearing apart, I finally got a perfect large piece just like a knife and started giving my left arm several cuts. It didn't hurt.

It never hurts.

Only her ignorance does.

To be continued...

Coincidence or destiny? -6

 EPISODE 6

RYAN

'How dude? How you cajoled her?', a curious Harsh interrogated. I flexed on my conversation skills and told him, 'She's my love. She's not an ordinary girl for me.'. Harsh guffawed like a villain. 'What, why?', I asked after holding his one side of shoulder. He started his lecture, 'See, there's no such thing like "love". It's the world's biggest illusionary trap prepared by the stupid people out there. Everyone seeks "lust" not "love". And you're also included in that everyone. Don't forget that.' I replied, 'Are yaar, don't give me such advice and all. We're happy with each other!'. 'It's just 7 days bro! What about the future? Do she really likes you? What's the probability that she won't break it up?', he replied giving me a reality check. After few seconds, I ignored him and walked away from there. I came back home and after having lunch took my phone to check whether Siya is online or not. She has messaged : 'Hi, we need to talk.' The message got me curious and worried about what she's going to talk. I started the conversation like this:

_.Ryan._: Hey, I thought you'd text me in the evening.

Siya143: I need to tell you something it's really important.

_.Ryan._: Oh, okay, go ahead.

Siya143: See, I don't want to hurt you, but...

_.Ryan._: but what?

Siya143: I think, we need to break up.

_.Ryan._: WHAT! WHAT THE.... HELL?!

Siya143: I'm sorry, Ryan but I don't think we can make it.

_.Ryan._: But for what reason are you breaking our relationship?

Siya143: I don't know, I just don't feel that this can grow further. I just want to break up.

_.Ryan._: But have I made any mistake? May be we can sort it out?

Siya143: I don't know, I'm blank and clueless.

_.Ryan._: Siya, I can really help you if you're clueless.

Siya143: I don't need your help, I just need break up!

_.Ryan._: Okay, fine! Let's end this!

Siya143: Good for you!

_.Ryan._: Goodbye!

Siya143: BYE!

What was that? Why she dumped me? Am I so ugly or my way of talking is not good?, I was confused and shocked more than broken. She hasn't blocked me so I can still take another chance. The cunning side of me is not that cunning to bring my girlfriend back. So I jumped to google baba and typed some questions turn by turn in the search bar: 

'How to bring your girlfriend back?'

'What can be the reason for a breakup?'

'How to make your ex-girlfriend jealous?'

I didn't got proper answers to my questions except for the third one. I came across an article saying 'everything you can do to make her jealous and come back'. After noting down the points in my brain, I took screenshots, as I know I'll forget the steps. 

Few Days later...

'Send me her photo', I commanded my sibling, Isha. 'Oh, look at your tone! I'm elder than you. Show some respect.', she replied and flipped her hair. I gave a savage reply, 'Ok, grandma. Sorry. Now can you please help out me?'. Her shoulder got aligned and she made a pouted face and lifted her brows in anger. I convinced her after saying sorry for zillion times. She send me the photo of her bestfriend, Jagruti and I forwarded it to Siya with a message saying: 'See, she's my new girlfriend. I'm not showing off, I just wanted you to know that I moved on. We both are very very happy together.'

Siya143: Good. Glad to see that.

_.Ryan._: I like her, you can see how beautiful she is.

Inner me: She's looking like a stinky chimpanzee. Just like my sister.

Siya143: Yeah. I've eyes, I can see.

_.Ryan._: She cares for me a lot. Her message comes every now and then.

Siya143: Oh, is it.

_.Ryan._: She's so smart and intelligent. She is the topper of her class.

Inner me: She's the dumbest person on this planet. Even the donkeys are smarter than her.

Siya143: Achaa...

Inner me: Achaa with three dots? Means she has something on her mind.

Siya143: I'm happy that you moved on.

_.Ryan._: Yeah, so am I!

Inner me: Damn!

Girls are existing in this world to confuse people with their ironical replies. I shut down my phone, picked up bike keys and left from the cafe in which I was sitting.

SIYA

Sitting in a car, watching the world through the window, the emotional part of my brain started processing for the first time in these few days. My breakup day can't be described from the point of me 'cause it was blank, just BLANK. No tears, no guilt, no pain, just blank mind. I guess this was the world's most silent breakup ever. The car stopped and my dad said in a rhythm, 'We reached our destination!'. I got out of the car and the first face I saw was of Ryan. I rolled my eyes and turned around as if he doesn't exist for me. Looking at his position he was about to leave the cafe where me and my family were about to visit. After we entered I noticed him coming back to the cafe through my side visions. It was all neutral from my side as now I was more focused on my studies. My cousin, Preeti whispered in my ears as we took a seat, 'He's Ryan, your ex boyfriend, right?'. 'Hmm', I nodded. 'Show me his profile.', she whispered heavily pointing my mom's mobile phone. After when she cleared her throat after whispering a lot, I handed the phone to her.

Ryan was sitting just in front of our table talking on phone and grinding shamelessly like a jerk. I don't know to whom he's talking but it seems like the other person must be a girl or his so called new girlfriend. Preeti gave back the phone with on screen. It was chat of Ryan in which a text: 'Hi', has been send from my side. I looked at Preeti and her face was like a 2 year old child who has done a crime and now is apologizing. Before I unsend the message, his reply came back, I looked up towards him so do he. He smiled; Not like a jerk but like a innocent boy. I locked my phone and as my parents got up to click some pictures near the cycle and frame decors of the cafe, Preeti said, 'Talk to him, right now!', I said, 'What, no!'

'Siya just ask him about his whereabouts and all.'

'I know what is he doing now a days, we're in touch.'

'Yeah I can see. You both are doing just "pseudo talks", that's it! Talk to him for real! Pour your heart!'

'I don't want to, Preeti. Will you please stop this!'

'No. Talk to him Siya, you won't get such a person in your life again.'

I sighed and unlocked my phone.

Siya143: How are you?

_.Ryan._: Not fine

Siya143: Why so?

_.Ryan._: 'Cause you're not with me.

Siya143: Don't you've a girlfriend?

_.Ryan._: No

Siya143: You lied at that time!

_.Ryan._: And you accepted?

Siya143: I have to. We need to move on.

_.Ryan._: How can I've a corner in my heart for any other girl when that corner belongs to you? 

Siya143: Who was that girl?

_.Ryan._: She was my sister's friend. I intended to jealous you.

Siya143: What do you want?

_.Ryan._: Just come back, please.

Preeti peaked into my phone and exclaimed, 'Wow! Did you see that? He still wants you back. He never asked the reason for your break up and you never told him. But all those shit doesn't matter to him; what matters is YOU. He had an option to move on with some other girls but he chose you! That's so lovely of him!'

Her words struck my soul and I did whatever my heart said.

Siya143: We can come together again.

_.Ryan._: What, really?

He looked up with the widest smile ever but I hided my smile and blushed. My parents came back and I locked the phone.

After getting back to home, I talked to Ryan to clear our confusions. I told him the reasons for the breakup.

_.Ryan._: It's okay, let's just leave everything behind and start again;-)

Siya143: Yes.

Somewhere in my mind, there was something. I don't know what but it was unrecognizable. I was in a doubtful state of mind that whether this relationship will grow or not; but afterwards I assured myself, Let us give it a proper second chance, Siya.

To be continued...

Coincidence or destiny? -5

 EPISODE 5

SIYA

Is dating a crime? Can I do it? I'm just 16. Do age really matters? I don't even know what dating includes. It's totally a new aspect for me plus it seems a bit weird. Having all these kind of thoughts on my mind I was sitting on the seat of Activa 3G (a two-wheeler vehicle), waiting for my Dad to come out of the house and drop me at the tuition classes. "Come on, let's go!", he shouted in hurry. I was absent minded and came back to the present after the incidence of his sound waves on my ear drums. I slid back to give my father some space to sit. The vehicle started and I reached the destination. I ran upstairs towards the classroom and searched for Rishika. After sitting besides her, I told her the whole story. 'OMG! I can't believe you'll be dating someone!', she enthused and every head in the room turned towards us. I shushed her and asked for an advice. She started, 

'Dating is obviously not a crime, darling! You can do that. But first, make sure that if your partner is loyal enough and he is not going to hurt you.'

'How do I know that?'

'Umm, for now just ask him to guarantee his loyalty. And if you start dating him, go slow, don't trust him quickly.'

'What's the point of dating if one can't trust the partner?'

'You're right, but safety is also an important aspect. If he betrays you, you'll emotionally break down.' 

'I'm clueless. I've no idea.'

'Do whatever your heart says, leave rest to the destiny!'

I started thinking on this. I know, somewhere in my heart I've feelings for him. I can't be reckless in this situation. But I need to figure out something, the time span of 2 days is already over. 

RYAN

It's 13th of September month, 2017. Two days have been passed already and there is no response from Siya. I unlocked my phone and waited for her message. It's a ritual for us to talk about the day at 10:00 pm, but she's not online yet. She messaged: 'I'm having dinner, we'll talk later.' After 10 minutes, I was having my dinner and she messaged: 'I'm now free.' After the whole vicious cycle of having dinner and all, we started chatting at 11 pm. 

_.Ryan._ : Why you had your dinner so late?

Siya143: We went out for some work and were late at home. And you?

_.Ryan._: I was waiting for you.

Siya143: Oh. But, please eat on time.

_.Ryan._: Why are you worrying about me?

Siya143: Why can't I? Aren't we good friends :-)

_.Ryan._: Yeah. I want you to be my friend if you don't agree for dating.

Siya143: Okay. We can do that. But first, what if you cheat on me?

_.Ryan._: If you'll be my partner, I'll never break your trust.

Siya143: Okay...

_.Ryan._: Have you figured it out?

Siya143: Well, I'd....

_.Ryan._: ???

Siya143: I'd like to just be friends with you

_.Ryan._: Oh

Siya143: I'm joking!😆

_.Ryan._: What?

Siya143: I'd like to date you.🙈

_.Ryan._: WHAT! REALLY?

Siya143: YES!

_.Ryan._: OMG!

Siya143: 😊

_.Ryan._: I feel like I'm on the top of a mountain! 

Siya143: Glad to know that you're happy too!

_.Ryan._: If we're now in a relationship, can we meet?

Siya143: I've already told you na. I can't, 'cause I don't have a vehicle and my parents won't allow me to go outside alone.

_.Ryan._: Yeah, but isn't there any way?

Siya143: For now, NO. But I'll try.

_.Ryan._: Okay. I know you'll.

Siya143: Let's sleep now. Okay, Bye, good night!💓

_.Ryan._: Good night, Love you!

Siya143: Me too.

_.Ryan._: Me too? Really?

Siya143: I'm a newbie in this kind of stuff, so I'm a bit shy.😅 I'll take sometime to understand it.

_.Ryan._: Okay, I understand.

Siya143: Thanks :-)

_.Ryan._: Okay, good night!

Siya143: Sweet dreams!

WOW! That van girl first became mast magan girl, then Siya, and then she became my girlfriend! I can't believe that my destiny is in my favour. I placed my head on the pillow and slept like I'm sleeping on the clouds. Imagining her face and dreaming about her, I slept like a baby in a cradle; peacefully.

SIYA

It's been 7 days now and I and Ryan are trying to know each other as much as possible. It was the day when I was going disclose our relationship to my friends. It was early morning and I walked out of the classroom after placing my bag on the seat. The assembly was starting in 15 minutes and it was enough time for me to talk. 'I'm in a relationship with someone.', I announced in the friend circle of five members after sometime. 'What!', everybody exclaimed in shock. After telling them the whole story, I heard these kind of suggestions:

'You met him on social media? And you believed him?'

'Social media is unsafe girl! You can't do that!'

'What if it's a fake account?'

'I know Ryan, he is my ex-boyfriend. I don't like him.'

'You were so innocent, dear. Dating is not your thing.'

'Break up! Block him, now!'

Everyone's voice started fading out and echoed. The echoing talks started repeating themselves in my head. The highlighting word was: BREAK UP. I started feeling guilty. The remorse inside me started eating me and I was a taciturn all the day till I came back from school. All this time, just one doubting question was bouncing in my brain: 'Should I break up with Ryan?'

To be continued...

Coincidence or destiny? -4

 EPISODE 4

SIYA

Finally after 2 days, New day, new morning, a fresh start. Forgetting all the sorrows and regrets, I'm here in this world to start my life again. To get over someone who is special to you is not a piece of cake. It doesn't matter whatever that person has done, it's still difficult to forget everything. In these few days, I realized that one should never develop unnecessary feelings for someone. Appearance is just phantasm. A person is known by his deeds and not external features. Thanks to Ryan who supported me despite of being a stranger. He said, "Just focus on your goals and start bettering yourself. Only that thing is in your control. You can't control anybody's feelings but at least you can take charge of your responsibilities and better your own life." After reading this message, my tear glands stopped releasing tears and I got up on my own with the courage in my heart and goals in my mind.

After when school dispersed, we sat inside the van and it started releasing toxic gases from the exhaust pipe which is a consequence of leaded petrol use. The exhaust spread in the air and I covered my mouth and nose with a hanker chief all the way towards home. When the van was 5 minutes far from my home, an auto rikshaw passed from the side of our van and my unintentional eyes saw a boy. I remembered him. I don't know how, but I remembered him. The memory centers of my brain activated and I started recalling his face with someone I know. Who's he? Who's he? Have I seen him anywhere else? Yes. Or no., my brain cells argued with each other. On getting back to home, I picked up the phone, opened my instagram account, opened Ryan's profile and checked out his photos. He's him! , my brain cells screamed after stopping the on going argument. He was that creep boy. Still my brain wires were tangled up and I was not sure whether Ryan is that creep boy or not. I send a message to him saying: "Hey, Ryan. I was just curious to know that in which school you're studying?". That boy's school uniform was of 'Panchsheel public school'. Ryan's reply will help me to confirm my assumption. After a moment of time, our conversation started like this:

_.Ryan._: Hi Siya. I go to 'Panchsheel public school'. Any reason?

Siya143: Actually, I feel I've seen you somewhere but I can't recall.

_.Ryan._: Well, frankly speaking I've seen you few weeks back.

Siya143: Oh is it? Where?

_.Ryan._: In a school van.

Siya143: Okay.

Confirmed! He's him!, I told myself. Still he doesn't seem like a creep boy. He's sweet and matured by his talks. I can continue talking to him. 

Two weeks later

I must say, Ryan is the nicest boy whom I've ever came across. He makes me laugh, learn, smile and every possible feeling which a human on this planet can get. He supports me in bad times too. Few days back I got my half yearly exam results. I entered the class room on Parents-teacher meeting day and my class teacher said, "I didn't expected this result, Siya." She passed me the progress card in front of my parents with a dispiriting face and my limbs got cold as if I was standing in the Himalayas. I opened the card and saw the numbers written in the left bottom side: 62%. I was in shock. My parents and I were quite all the way towards home. I reached home and picked up the phone to inform Ryan about the results. The chat was like :

_.Ryan._: I'm damn sure you've scored very well. You've told me how you used to get straight As in every class. Well, what's the score?

Siya143: 62%😭

_.Ryan._: Oh. Don't cry it's okay.

Siya143: What okay? Nothing is okay! 62% means C grade, not A grade! I've never ever got a C. It's so disappointing and depressing.

_.Ryan._: Depressing? Are you out your mind? Life doesn't end after just one failure, Siya. Wipe your tears, chin up and try harder! Don't sit back and cry. It'll become a terrible habit and you won't be able to do anything! Just find out your mistakes and try again.

Siya143: I think you're right. I need some time. I'll be okay.

That's how he keeps me motivated. Till now, I feel confident in almost every aspect of life and I like this. I guess Ryan and I can be good friends.

RYAN

The sun was going down and I walked through the streets on the way towards a place where our friends meet. It's a general store with an area for sitting. I sat on the rocks, picked up my phone without thinking; it's an unconditional reflex. My right thumb naturally opened the chat of Siya143. Few moments passed and I realised that Siya and I have chatted a lot since few weeks. I thought it can be the appropriate time to propose her. Still, the two sides of me (angel and devil) argued. Sometimes I hallucinate the "Angel me" sitting in my right and the "Devil me" on the left. It's definitely the consequence of over-watching movies. The argument goes like: 

Devil me: You'll never get a girl like her. She's so innocent, she'll never say 'no' to you!

Angel me: She's innocent but you both have not even met.

Devil me: It doesn't matter!

Angel me: It matters. You both have to know each other.

Devil me: They have already talked a lot, dude! Now it's the time!

Angel me: No, you're going fast. Plus it's not your age.

Devil me: It is the age to enjoy!

I covered my ears with my both hands preventing the voice of the imaginary argument in my mind. Without finding a conclusion, I unlocked my phone and came across a conversation with Siya.

_.Ryan._: You told me about the "sanskari boy" incident, right?

Siya143: Yeah. So, what?

_.Ryan._: If you hate that pack of 3 words, then why your user name is Siya143?😂 You're hypocritic, aren't you?

Siya143: Actually, my friend forced me to have that username😅 but I don't care now. It's okay. I realized, I was over reacting on that "sanskari boy". Well I've now forgotten everything, so I don't want to talk about anything from my past.

_.Ryan._: Okay, command accepted mam!🙇

Siya143: Aah. Okay!😂😅 

_.Ryan._: 😁

Siya143: I like the way you talk. You seem to be a nice person.

_.Ryan._: I'm just being transparent. I'm nice to nice people. And you're a kind girl:-)

Siya143: Oh. Is it. 

_.Ryan._: I like you... as a friend.

Siya143:  Really? Am I that good? 

_.Ryan._: Actually...

Siya143: ???

_.Ryan._: I love you.

Siya143: What?! 

_.Ryan._: Yes. From the day when I saw you.

Siya143: Umm... I don't know what to say.

_.Ryan._: It's okay. I just told you what I feel. I'm not pressurizing you.

Siya143: Okay. But I really don't know what I'm feeling. I just need some time to understand it.

_.Ryan._: Take your time. Don't rush. 

Siya143: Okay, if possible I'll let you know in 2 days.

_.Ryan._: Okay no problem;-)

I sighed and went to home without thinking a word. The moment when I placed my head over the pillow, her face flashed in front of me. I drowned in the sea of thoughts about her and slept so peacefully for the first time in my life. No anxiety, no nervousness about her answer. I just want her to be my friend, if she don't agree to be in a relationship. I hope that our destiny has something good for both of us and I accept that.

Coincidence or destiny? -3

 EPISODE 3

SIYA

'Why you woke up so early on a sunday morning?', My mom asked to me at 7:00 am. 'Nothing. Just woke up by chance.', I answered. I was tired of studying since 2 hours in the morning so I got out of the home for a morning walk, without any book, without any phone. It is so relaxing when you leave all those stuff behind just for a while. My mind is a magnet and all the kind of thoughts are iron fillings. On spotting an airplane in the sky, a thought chain formed in my head;

Pilots have so cool lifestyle! They can fly higher and farther from everything. They can travel almost all over the world. They can be at the highest point in the sky and enjoy the view. WOW! Ok stop day dreaming, Siya! But I'll def make it a reality! What about that boy who asked about Jay? umm... what was his name? Yes, Ryan! I don't know why I feel like he lied to me. What could be the reason that he's not letting me talk to Jay about this? But I can't do anything na. What if he has some actual problems with Jay? For the sake of humanity, I'm talking to Ryan otherwise I'm not going to accept his friend request. Apart from these, I don't know where the hell is my crush? Let's just wait, Siya.

I reached back home. My mom informed us about an engagement ceremony that has to be attended today. I got excited to go outside. Though I'm an introvert, sometimes I feel to get out of the home. Well I don't have much good bonds with my paternal family so it becomes boring for me to attend such kind of family functions. But for now I just need a refreshment for myself. I put on my one and only traditional dress and just did some eye work; no makeup on cheeks and wore some oxidised jewellery. Let the hair be free, I like to be free; Untangled!

As we reached the venue, suddenly my eyes got focused on a guy who was standing almost 10 feet away. I can see him from behind only. He was in white Kurta-pajama. He lifted his left hand to comb his golden brown hair with his fingers (just like every boy does). I moved forward to check if he's him? 'You go ahead I'm joining.', I told my cousin. I came closer and the 10 feet distance became 5 feet. Amidst the crowd, I can find out the path towards him. My heart beat number increased with every second. I held my both hands in hand at my chest and observed my heart beat to be increasing. Is it him? God, please be it him!, I murmured. He turned around and I scanned his face like a robot. Yes, he's my crush!, my heart screamed inside me. I turned around blushing and bumped into other person.

RYAN

I was running towards the exit of the mandap to get some urgent stuff from my brother's car. It was a ring ceremony of my elder cousin and I had no time to check out on girls with loud makeup in the function. In rush, a girl bumped into me and before she falls I held her both hands. She was in white kurta salwar with ebony green dupatta. Her deep brown eyes, they were those same innocent eyes. I can feel the softness of her hands in my woody hands. This time I can observe her face and not just those innocent eyes. Her almond shaped eyes bearing kajal and smoky eye shadow look, matched perfectly with her face. Her no makeup cheeks didn't need a blush 'cause she was already blushing. Her not so large but not so small nose and her pout shaped lips perfectly fitted on her round face. The chicken work of her kurta reflects the texture in the light so perfectly. The oxidised bangles and jhumkas were shining as if they are not oxidised, they are made up of silver. The small sized black bindi on her glabella gave a traditional soothing vibes and the song, Mast Magan started playing in my head. Her black wavy hair lifted up as the air waves falled on her face. I guess, she has tried to tuck her bangs with a pin but that went in vain. Her flix covered her half right eye and she took off her hands from my hands to adjust those bangs behind her right ear. She looked away and left from there without uttering a word. Those several seconds were more than the few seconds when the last time I observed her. She's that van girl!, my heart screamed inside me. I thought I can never see her again but I got a second chance to see her. Still, I don't have a hope to talk to her. Just leave Ryan, she's out of your reach man!, I gave myself a reality check and got back to the real world. 

SIYA

Was he that creep guy? It doesn't matter. I took a plate for lunch and served myself with all kind of delicious Shaadi wallah items. My plate was filled with Paneer ki sabji, poori, dal fry, jeera rice and gulab jamun. There's a lot more but I will try other dishes later. I took a seat in such a way that I can see him. As I took a bite of the cucumber piece, I thought, Does he know that I'm here? Why isn't he glancing at me as usual? After the completion of half plate and observing his behaviour I got frustrated for not getting attention from him. Then he looked at me and just in a millisecond, he rolled his eyes and walked out from there. What the hell! What was that look? That's so rude!, I got angry in seconds. After few minutes and finishing my lunch when I saw him again, he covered his face and left from there with his friends. My anger got suppressed and I felt like something is breaking me inside my body. It was unbearable. There was a time when he glances at me and smiles like he has something in his heart. There was a time when he waits for my school van to come back to my home and he gets to see me. There was a time when he waits outside his house for me to come outside in the evening. But now? He rolled his eyes and left? I took out my mom's mobile phone from my purse and tried to distract my mind by checking my instagram account. After replying to all the messages, my conversation started with _.Ryan._ :

_.Ryan._ : What happened? You're replying with just "hmm" ?

Siya143 : Nothing. I'm fine.

_.Ryan._ : It's okay, you can share if you want. I won't judge you.

Siya143 : No. I don't share things to strangers.

_.Ryan._ : Sometimes strangers understand what closed ones don't.

Siya143 : I'm heart broken.

_.Ryan._ : Boyfriend?

Siya143 : No. Someone else. Leave it.

_.Ryan._ : Whoever it is, I would like to say you something if you don't mind.

Siya143 : Go ahead.

_.Ryan._ : Your life doesn't get over just because of someone's absence or their deeds that hurts you. Are you living your life for that someone? Or for yourself? Think about your parents who have made an effort to get you in this world and raised you up. Would you waste your precious time of your life just after that someone? That someone who don't care about you is not your top most priority. Your top priority should be your parents. I'm sorry if you mind on what I'm saying but I just gave you an advice for your sake. If someone else would be there, I'll advice him the same thing. It's your choice what you choose is what you get.

Siya143 : Yes, you're right. I have to just focus on the things which are important to me.

_.Ryan._ : Yeah. That's the spirit.

Siya143 : Thanks! You cleared my mind.

_.Ryan._ : Oh, mention not ;-)

He seems to be a nice person. I think I can accept his friend request., I thought. After having a lot of thinking and analysis on this topic while we were getting back to home, I fed up and accepted his friend request and said, Jo hoga dekha jaega! (We'll see whatever happens). 

Ryan

On the way towards my home, on getting back to home, after getting back to home, each and every second, my mind was replaying that scene, that mast magan scene. I can't give myself any hope for that van girl, but at least I can go in flashback and rethink that feeling, reimagine that soft touch in my hands. My mobile phone notification woke me up from day dreaming. It was : 'Siya143 has accepted your friend request'. I unlocked my phone and the chat was like:

_.Ryan._ : Thanks.

Siya143 : For what?

_.Ryan._ : For accepting my friend request.

Siya143 : Oh. It's okay.

Out of curiosity, I visited her profile and saw her photos. My eye balls almost got out of the eye orbit and I screamed, 'She's that van girl!'. My mom shouted from the kitchen, 'Why are you screaming like an idiot? Stay quiet.' 'Sorry mom.', I shouted back. This is the luckiest day of my life! I didn't even thought that I can get a chance to talk to her. Is it just a coincidence or my destiny? I don't know will I be able to make her mine or not but I won't let this chance let go. Jo hoga, dekha jaega!, I told myself.

Coincidence or destiny? -2

 EPISODE 2

SIYA

Who was he? He looked so creep. He was staring at me as if I have done something wrong to him. I'm already fed up by these "insta" and school creeps. I said to myself, I don't care about this incident. It was a kind of normal one now a days. I reached at my home and as usual checked my instagram account. Good morning dear. Hope you have a great day ahead!💖,  - a notification popped up. I opened the chat. The username was sanskari_boii. The chat was like:

Siya143: Good afternoon. Btw please don't call me "dear".

Sanskari_boii: Kahan thi tum? (where have you been?)

Siya143: I was at the school! 

Sanskari_boii: Oh, nice dear.

Siya143: I already told you! Don't call me "dear".

Sanskari_boii: Are! Sorry, Sorry. I won't. I won't do such things which you don't like. Don't worry, I'm your good friend😊

Siya143: Ok, good. But who told you that you are my friend?

Sanskari_boii: You accepted my friend request, you gave me follow back and now we are chatting since 2 days. Can't we be good friends till now?

Siya143: NO. I don't know you very well. 

Sanskari_boii: So let's know each other very well. I wanted to tell you something.

Siya143:  What?

Sanskari_boii: You know what, I love you.

Siya143:  WTF! You idiot. You even don't know me and you think I'm going to date you? You're such an a**hole! I don't want to be in such kind of nonsense "dating" and all. 

Sanskari_boii: Oh! Don't be so mad. I didn't meant that.

Siya143:  Oh you think that I'm dumb? You didn't meant that? You bastard!

Sanskari_boii: Why you're so angry at me! I have done nothing wrong. What is your problem?

Siya143:  You! YOU ARE MY PROBLEM. Don't talk to me!

Sanskari_boii: Oh. Then I can do whatever you want. I'll give you whatever you want. I'll treat you like a princess! Like a QUEEN! Just imagine!

Siya143:  What Rubbish! Get lost from here! I don't want to imagine anything with you!

Sanskari_boii: Oh C'mon sorry!

Siya143: I'm blocking you right now! 

*sansakari_boii blocked*

Who the hell was he? I slamed the phone on the sofa in rage and got out of the cozy couch which was placed in our sun lounge. Though it's afternoon, there is no burning beams of sun. Grey clouds covered the whole sky and there was a possibility of rain. It should be as it was July end. Just like the climate, ruining the sunny day, my brain got heated up and it was ruining my day. I was already fed up by this class monitor job and now this boy said me "I love you". No one like NO ONE has ever told me those three stupid words and that was good until now.

Forgetting about this stupid shit, I got back to my desk to complete my homework. In just 60 seconds, those thoughts got off my mind. I was reading on and flipping through the pages to see how much work is need to be done. It was an assignment to be written and I love writing stuff a lot. So without wasting another second I took my pen, removed the cap, tucked it at the end of the pen and started writing with alacrity. After 10 minutes, the pen stopped and an unresisting thought came over my mind. I guess now a days I'm using social media a lot. I can't focus on my studies. The stupid, rubbish and useless talks with random boys is not a pass time. It's just a waste of time! These kind of lads get a chance to talk if I reply them. Now onwards I'm not going to accept anyone's friend request on social media! This is just a waste of time. I'm wasting my life after these jerks! I need to take a stand for myself! Siya, don't you dare to forget that you want to be a pilot! You got a dream, girl! Just go and work hard!

It's 2:45 pm and I reached the coaching center early. There was no way to get bored as my best friend Rishika also reached early. I told her about today's incident and showed her chats in her phone by logging in my account. Yes, she had her personal phone in 9th grade! 'What was his fault, yaar?' she said after reading chats. I replied, 'Can't you see? He said me those annoying words! Ugh! I don't like this kind of stuff!' She tapped my back and said, 'Sabash! You're such an idiot! He proposed you and you yelled at him over a chat? Oh god! If you continue being like this, you will remain single for your whole life!'. I pouted and yelled like a child, 'I don't want a relationship!' Our English teacher came from behind and our mouths got shut in a second. We headed back to the classroom and our tuition started. 

'Today, we're going to learn about figures of speech. Open your notebooks and start writing. The first figure of speech is "metaphor", write METAPHOR....', Mrs. Sharma was teaching, though my mind was not in the classroom and I kept thinking about everything. Mrs. Sharma peeked into my blank notebook and asked me the reason for not writing anything. 'I didn't expected this from you, Siya. We have already completed 3 figures of speech and you've written nothing? Get out of my class, right now.' No matter how good my day goes, if I get a punishment, my whole day is ruined and I feel like my life is a hell! It's just a bad phase Siya, just a bad phase., I assured myself.

Ryan

'What's time is it?', asked Harsh. I checked my watch and informed, 'It's just 6 pm. Why? You want to go home?'

'Yes, I'm fed up of this class now.'

'Bro, thoda padh le!' (Study a little, dude)

'No dude, I'm bored now.'

'Ok, so tell me about that girl with whom you were chatting.'

'Offo! Don't talk about her. She's such a dumb!'

'What happened? You said she was talking nicely.'

'What nicely? She yelled at me as if I have asked her to pick up cow dung.'

'Yuck! That was a really bad example! And a used one too. Show me your chats with her.'

After the class got over, Harsh showed me his chats with an account named Siya143. I was laughing as I read the chats. 'What the hell yaar! At least don't laugh in front of me man!', Harsh said annoyingly. I placed my hand over my stomach and controlled my laughter. 'I can't control, dude! You got rejected for no reason?', I said. 'Don't mock me. If you can, impress her and propose her. Just take a try.', he challenged me. I shrugged and said, 'What? I don't know her!'. 'Just try!', he insisted and send me that girl's profile. I unlocked my phone and saw her account. It was a private account so I send a friend request. What if she didn't accepted my request after Harsh's incident?, I thought. 

Harsh moved my arm and asked that what happened. I told him about my thought and he said, 'I have an idea. You know Jay, our tuition mate?' 'Of course, we're good friends.', I replied. 'Yes, he's Siya's schoolmate. So if you text her and ask her about Jay's whereabout, may be she'll at least reply you and talk to you.', he explained. I found this idea good and texted her : 

Hello, I'm Ryan. Jay Rathi's friend. He's one of your classmates in school. He's my tuition mate too. Actually, he's not coming to the classes since last week. I called him but no response. So I texted you to know if he's okay? Can you please reply? I'm a little bit worried about him.

I know it's not good to lie, but it's the only way. As the sun set, the street lights turned on, I got back to home after my extra class. After having dinner, I got a notification on my phone. It was from Siya143. Your idea worked, Harsh!, I exclaimed.

Siya143 : Hi. Jay is regular in school in last week. Don't worry, he's fine.

_.Ryan._: Thank God! And thank you so much for replying.

Siya143 : It's okay. You're welcome.

_.Ryan._: If he's okay, why isn't he attending tuition classes?

Siya143 :  I don't know. If you want I can ask him about it in the school.

_.Ryan._: No, no no. It's okay. I think he must be busy somewhere. No need to ask him.

Siya143 : Okay.

_.Ryan._: You're his classmate, right?

Siya143 : You know that, you said it in your first text.

_.Ryan._: Oh yeah. Sorry.

Siya143 : Don't be so formal. It's okay.

_.Ryan._: Yeah. So I guess you're the class monitor, right?

Siya143 : Umm. Yes, I'm.

_.Ryan._: By the way, what's your real name?

Siya143 : My real name is 'Siya' only. Why are you asking me such questions?

_.Ryan._: Sorry to bother you. But I need to check whether it's a fake account or something.

Siya143 : My account is not fake! If you want you can trust me otherwise it's your choice.

_.Ryan._: I trust you. Can you do me a favour?

Siya143 : What?

_.Ryan._: Can you just give me updates about Jay for few days? Please, it's a request. I can't tell you the reason at least for now. I know I'm asking a stranger for help but that's the only way.

Siya143 : Umm, Okay. I will update you about him.

_.Ryan._: Oh, thanks! You're so kind. Please don't tell him anything about our chat, okay?

Siya143 : OK. Now can I go to sleep?

_.Ryan._: Sure. Good night!😊

Siya143 : Good night :-)

Oh God, what was that? It was such an awkward conversation!, I exclaimed. I don't know this girl. She has not accepted my friend request. May be she's being careful after the "Sanskari_boii" incident. Well, let's see what happens next., I told myself and went to sleep.

 

Coincidence or destiny? -1

It is a story of Siya and Ryan. Siya is an innocent girl with a couple of dreams in her eyes. Ryan has his own terms and ways of living life. He is a strong and confident teen having some goals to achieve. Read the story and find out what happened and how these two teens met. Was they just meant to be with each other or they have chosen the wrong person? 

The story will be released in different episodes. New episode at every sunday on this blog. Read out and find out;-)

EPISODE 1

SIYA

Today, I did something wrong. It was just an unintentional mistake. 'Sorry, I didn't meant that. You're getting me wrong.', I said. They replied, 'Your sorry is of no use now, Siya.' They were not family. They were not friends. They were just my classmates. I forgot to inform them about an assignment to be completed by today and in consequences they got punished. I don't know why I felt so upset when they thought that I'm wrong. I'm a kind of girl who don't want anyone to think wrong about me. Is it right? Am I the one girl who needs attention?, my conscience said in my mind. I walked out from the classroom. It was lunch break and I went towards my friends with frowned face. I'm not that type of person who can easily hide their feelings with a fake smile (I don't know why). Those people who can do this are so lucky. They can hide anything from the world and live happily. Fake smile is better than a frowning face. My friends interrogated, 'Why your face is like you have been told to pick up a cow dung in the morning?' Everyone laughed and mocked me. My mood got upset again. Why am I so sensitive on such things? Having all kind of negativities in my mind I spent that school day. We returned home in our school van.

As it was a daily ritual for me to check my Instagram account without changing school uniform, it was not something new for my mom to scold me. She yelled, 'Siya! First change your clothes and have your lunch!' After having lunch, my dad dropped me at the coaching. Being a 9th grade student, it's a huge study burden on my tiny shoulders. No one gives so much importance to this grade. Instead of 9th, everyone is so hyped about 10th grade. The increase in level of difficulty from 8th to 9th is much greater than that of 9th to 10th. 

The tuition classes were over and  I came back home. I picked up my mother's phone and logged in my instagram account. A lots of messages popped up. Chatting with 'insta friends' is a good past time. Several boys approach me for to be in a relationship. One says, 'I have never talked to a girl who is so humble and subtle.' Other one says, 'You're so cute.' Another one says, 'Please find me a girl just like you.' I replied, 'Am I running a matrimony here? Don't you have some other jobs to do?' That's how my day spends - Being flirted on by random guys. 

I haven't seen my crush since 2 days. He lives across the street of my home. A 4 year old girl ran towards me. She jumped over me with a widest smile ever. 'Hurray! I'm back. Let's go to garden.' , she giggled. She's my younger sister, Mayra who has returned from her tuition classes. I refused and she made a disappointed face. Both of us sat outside the house and I convinced her by bribing chocolates. I started missing him.

 I remember the first time we both saw each other. The sky was shaded with orange and red colors and the street lights were turned on. A boy with golden brown hair, big eyes and light beard was standing over a wall of a general store besides the house. I was sitting on patio (a sitting outside the house) with Mayra. He looked at me and smiled watching me playing with my sister. My sixth sense got activated and I noticed his glancing over me. I blushed like an idiot. I don't know where is he now a days. Let's just hope that I get to see him again , I assured myself.

Ryan

I opened my eyes and checked my phone. The time is 5:45 am and it's the time to get ready for school. After getting ready I left home without having breakfast. Who the hell is interested in breakfast at this early morning time? I jumped inside the Auto Rikshaw and felt the cold breeze at my face as the vehicle was moving. I was alone in the rikshaw and there was no one to talk so my mind led to develop a thoughts chain. I want to earn more and more money. How do we become rich? Which profession has the highest salary? I have to and I will definitely become the richest person in my family. Should I start a business or just have a job? come on Ryan! You're just in 10th grade! First focus on that dude! 

As I reached school, I met my friends and I got to know that Shreya(my ex girlfriend) has created a scene by fighting with another ex girlfriend, Pooja. Shreya was my first girlfriend and Pooja was the second one. Shreya thinks I dumped her for Pooja however it's not the truth. Well, I don't care now I have already dumped both of them! I don't care whether they are with me or not.  After all, There's a plenty of fishes in the sea! Gaurav said, 'Chal Ryan, cigarette pine chale!' (Come Ryan, let's have a cigarette!). I replied, 'Damn bro, it's early morning! We will have it in the afternoon after the school.' Yes I smoke and drink at a little age. But It was just due to my friends. The school bell rang and we took our places at the last benches. Most of the time I just slept during the class. I can never compromise on my sleep. Though I don't compromise my studies too. I study at home and tuition. After all it's 10th grade! After the school, I had a cigarette with my friends behind the school. The Auto rikshaw came and I sat inside to get back home. I don't know I'm feeling like something is good about to happen today. But my half day is over now and what good can happen now? 

When the rikshaw reached in my colony, a white colored school van was already standing in that lane. The van was heading in opposite direction of our rikshaw. As the rikshaw passed besides the van, I saw a girl holding a opened water bottle in her hands; perhaps she was drinking water. Her black hair were tied in two plates with a twisted bang behind one ear. All I noticed was her eyes. Her eyes were so deep. It shows how innocent she was. She was looking at me and so do I. It was funny for me to imagine her with me as anyone can say how different standards we both had. She was in a Van and I was in a Rikshaw. She had a steel water bottle and I had a plastic one. She was wearing a private school uniform and I was in a low privileged school. I think She is out of my reach. As the rikshaw passed, I turned around to see her again. It was surprising that she turned around too! I was so happy to see her face again, though her face got blurred as our vehicles parted our ways. I didn't assured myself by any fake assumptions that may be she liked me that's why she turned around. I just need to forget this incidence because there is no way to reach her. She is different and I am different. It was just an incident and not a sign by the universe that I am going to have my first love! Just forget this Ryan! Just forget this! I said to myself.

The MASTER WEAPON for life

When we get fail at a certain task, we always complain about the external factors- weather, poor health, other people, lack of resources, lack of time and so many others. Can we call these as excuses? No, these are not excuses obviously. They seem to be genuine reasons. But if they are becoming hinderance in your progress, aren't they required to be vanished? So despite of finding the solution 'externally' let us peek in some 'internal issues'.

Oh Rashi, which internal issues you're talking about?

Haha... be patient we are going to discuss it DEEPLY. After all it's about LIFE ;->

Firstly, let us do a simple and small exercise. Close your eyes for a minute and just figure out your life problems. It can be financial, familial, related to your partner, friends, work, it can be related to you. It can be anything, minor or major.

Opened eyes? ugh... so many problems na? Don't worry, you can find a solution for that. Of course, the solution is going to be difficult but how the life will exist if there is no difficulty? oh that internal issue thing? Ya we're coming on that. Let's find the solution! Aren't you excited to make your life simpler at least in your imagination? haha sorry to mock you lol! Let's go!

You can take a paper and pen and write down the problems (in short for your reference and clarity)

Note that there are some issues with people like, not so good boss, irritating people around you, never convincing parents, non understanding partners, traitors(mostly friends) and so many. You have to accept that you can't change the mentality of these peeps and should leave some issues unsolved. Remember the prayer of serinity!

God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

You may notice, most of the problems are having cause indirectly related to your MENTAL or PHYSICAL HEALTH. 

• Disturbed/frustrated mind
• Lack of confidence
• lethargy/idleness
• hygienic problems
• Health related issues- diseases

and others which you may notice. That's the issue I was talking about- 'THE INTERNAL ISSUE'.

I know it's such a basic factor and that's why it's so important too. We take these fundamental things for granted. But you have to make your life better if you intend to. It's your choice, Be yourself or better yourself ;-) 

PHYSICAL HEALTH 

Hope you have heard about 'Body shaming'. If you're going through such situation, accept that every body is beautiful in itself. But don't interpret the concept improperly. Most of the girls like themselves as they are and that's the beautiful thing to accept and love yourself. But if this version of yourself is ceasing you to grow, it's better to get aware and keep improving yourself. If you're too chubby, are you active all the time? Obviously, you won't be. The fat in your body will decrease the efficiency of your mind as well as body. Everybody has different shapes and size- rounded, rectangle, hourglass, triangle & inverted triangle. This is the concept, never ever mock anyone for it's body shape. You too accept the way god has created you until it bothers you to grow. If it does so, wake up and start a diet and workout plan, not to get SLIM but to get FIT. If you're already fit, you too need some physical activities(if you're not doing any such activity) but you're not in alarming state in terms of physical health, but what about mental health? it's important too.

MENTAL HEALTH

Exercising can make your mind healthy too! How? Any physical activity helps you to relax the muscles of body and releases the tension in the body. YOGA is the best practice ever known to calm your mind. Apart from these methods, some other things should be kept in your mind for a better mental health. 

• Stay away from negative peeps. If they're part of your life try to maintain a distance from them. Some situations are there when these people discourage you, but try to figure out the situation if actually you're at fault- apologize politely, improve yourself silently and celebrate your success loudly!
• Do journaling. It'll help you when your life has become so much complicated that you've never imagined such situations will occur. Your diary will be your best friend to listen to you without judging you.
• Do a ME TIME! Do whatever you love to do. Paint, draw, sing, dance, anything which makes you happy, which takes you to a world where you meet yourself and nobody else.
• Watch comedy shows or cartoons. It's childish but can't you become a child for sometime for your tiny brain? At least watch shinchan if nothing else.
• Meet your favourite people. It makes us happy.
• Travel to your happy place. Travel wherever you always wanted to be. Ya, it's expensive and time consuming but it's worth it. At least travel to nearby natural destinations if nothing else;-)

Take a break from your busy schedule and do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy.

Most of these things are simple and less effort taking but some are much effort taking. Exercising is the most difficult task for some people that they don't even bother about their health. Now it's time to make yourself aware just for the sake of you, not for anybody else. Get up, make a choice, make a decision, make yourself prepared for the obstacles, fall 100 times, figure out your mistakes, get up, try try try, get succeed, reward yourself and keep going! Never stop!

Have a better life;-)