EPISODE 9
SIYA
'We should go on a trip before your vacation ends, I know your dad...' the voice became inaudible when the song started in my earphones and I forget everyone, everything when it happens. My lips synced with the lyrics naturally. Dancing on the hood in the middle of the woods of an old mustang where we sang... Mom pulled off one earphone and gave looks as if she's going to burn my earphones. I paused the song 2002, apologizing Anne Marie in my head and turned towards her. She was sitting besides me on my bed so I sat in a posture as if I'm interested in her talks; I know what she's going to talk.
She's a travel freak and since mine and Myra's vacations have began, she's trying so hard to convince me and dad for a trip. I refused 'cause my 10th grade coaching classes are going to start by April 30th which is the day after tomorrow.
I've tried to make her understand this many times but all she says is that I can join the late batches. I don't want to be late on studies. I studied so hard to score 80% in second semester of 9th grade which is a drastic increase from 1st semester when I scored just 62%. I'm proud of myself and I want to continue doing it. I want to continue to feel that dopamine hit.
Discerning the "not interested" expressions on my face, mom got up and walked out of the room- disappointed. I love her so much and that's why when she's not happy with something, I get upset; but you've to do what you've got to do. You've to make some tough decisions to grow in life. Travelling can be done next year also. I took the phone with earphones and went upstairs on the terrace cheer up my mood. While listening songs, I was walking around the terrace and checking my instagram; I'm so multi-talented!
I was scrolling through the friend requests section and my stupid thumb clicked "accept" button on a strange account. Oops! I bit my tongue and before I remove that strange account from my followers, a messaged popped up on the screen - "Hi, is this Siya?" Obviously, my username is that kind of, why this person is asking about my name? Or may be he or she is someone whom I know? What if this person is him? I shorted on breath and my heart rate increased gradually. I replied to know the identity of the person.
Siya143: Yes. Who's this?
_.Unknown._: Are you sure that you're Siya?
Siya143: What kind of question is that? Of course!
_.Unknown._: Siya... um... I'm Ryan.
I heavily sighed like I was carrying it since so long. I was not prepared for this moment 'cause I never thought about such moment. Before I figure out how to react, he started typing something and those 3 dancing dots kept making me more anxious about what's going to happen. I paused the music to focus on the conversation.
_.Unknown._: Before you block me again, I politely request you to just tell me that why you blocked me. That's it. I won't bother you after that. Please, Siya. I request you, please!
I'm such a cruel person. I should have talked to him before blocking him. He must be so hurt due to my insane act still he's talking politely. I know some of his things hurt me too but I should have talked about it back then. So now, I told him about my every single thought when I blocked him. I told him that I was forcing myself to be in this relationship and I can't be the girl, he wants. But after sometime he was repeating just one thing: 'Everything is over. My life has no meaning now.' I tried so hard to motivate him.
Siya143: Ryan, I'm not your life. You can't just give up like this. Focus on yourself, your family, your career just like you said me earlier, remember? You said our parents gave us such a precious gift called life, so why should we waste it just because of someone else?
_.Unknown._: You know what, I still love you. I'm trying to move on but I still love you.
Siya143: Ryan, please focus on your life not on me.
_.Unknown._: There's no life Siya!
Siya143: Ryan, don't be so mad! You're a sensible boy.
_.Unknown._: I've a clot, Siya! A bloody clot in my brain!
My heart stopped beating for a moment and my whole body was in shock. My eyes didn't blink and kept staring at that horrible text. Despite of the warm sun rays pricking me skin, my hands got frozen, incapable of moving both the thumbs to give a reply. After taking a moment to absorb the text, I replied.
Siya143: You're joking, aren't you?
_.Unknown._: How can I when my life is a joke itself?
Siya143: Is it too big or small? Is it surgically removable?
_.Unknown._: I'm admitted in a hospital right now. Doctors are suggesting surgery and when we asked whether I'll be fine he said, "Every surgery has risks. I can't assure you but we'll try our best." What best Siya? If anything goes wrong, I can die! For real!
Siya143: Ok, firstly stop screaming Ryan. I can understand your pain.
_.Unknown._: If you do, you won't leave me like this.
Siya143: Ryan, for now please do what I say, trust me.
_.Unknown._: Ok
Siya143: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and breath out slowly and just relax. Relax your jaws and muscles and your whole body. Calm down yourself first.
After few minutes, he replied.
_.Unknown._: Done. Thank you Siya. My body muscles are relaxed now, but my mind is still craving for that hope which never existed in my life. All this time, I'd believed in destiny. When I got to know that Siya143 is no one else but that same VAN GIRL, I thought it was just a coincidence but when I fell in love with you again, I believed that it was not just a COINCIDENCE, it was DESTINY. I wished you, I had you, but then you left me and I got fooled by my destiny. And now this clot, it developed by an accident, which was also not a coincidence, it was my destiny, my BAD DESTINY. Now this destiny has only one fate- DEATH. Everything is not a coincidence. It happens for a reason and here, the reason was DEATH.
Siya143: Your destiny can have another fate too- LIFE. Trust the doctors, Ryan. The clot is removable, there is definitely a hope, don't lose it. People have cancer still they live their lives happily. At least you have more chances to live, value that. I'll pray for you, Ryan. I will.
_.Unknown._: Thank you, Siya. I hope I've a good life soon.
Siya143: Yes, you will! Just, smile. It will decrease your pain.
_.Unknown._: Yeah.
Siya143: When is your surgery scheduled?
_.Unknown._: 1st may.
Siya143: Okay. good.
I logged out of the account after ending the conversation. The sun gone down in just few minutes and I was standing there, staring at the orange line formed on the horizon. The darkness enveloped the sky as if the universe was suggesting that my shining life is going to be dark like this.
As I descended the stairs, my chest felt heavy; not because of weight, because of emotions. Sometimes, emotions can be much heavier than a large dumbbell in a gym. I placed the mobile phone at the dining table and directly went into the bathroom without facing my mom.
My eyes and neck felt a drastic pain and I broke down. I cried silently and prayed for Ryan. Please, God. Don't do this to him. He is a nice guy. Save him, please! My silent prayers flied away from the upper window of the bathroom and I bent my head down, pressing my lips on my folded hands- praying for him.
I've never ever cried for a boy like that before; not even at the time of my first ever break up. On that day, I cried for Ryan for the first time. That doesn't mean I love him. I just can't see anybody's life shattering like this.
